soma stardust

13 May 2008 @ 10:14 pm

reading and beading

that's all i did today. i'm making a mala of amethyst. it's calming.
if anyone wants a mala, tell me what kind of stone and you can have one for $20.
which pretty much pays for the beads. well unless you want something exotic, that costs more.
it also helps me out...
it's like meditative. keeps my mind off my worries. it's healing or some shit.
i know i have things to do.
i don't want to do them.
i haven't even had time to grieve.
i feel like i'm sleepwalking through life.

~soma~

Tags: that's all i did today. i'm making a mal

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blank

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11 May 2008 @ 12:46 pm

HAPPY FUCKING MOTHER'S DAY

right now i hate everyone who has or is a mother.
i want to scream.
i want to break things.
i want to burn.
destroy everything that ever mattered.
how much loss can one person take all at once? and when will it end? ever?
i'm more broken than i ever thought possible.
fuck everything.

~soma~

Current Mood:

infuriated

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08 May 2008 @ 01:04 am

call for help

two cats need a home asap.
right now they're living in the bathroom and they are not happy.
if anyone can take them, even temporarily, i would be the happiest.
pleasepleaseplease. there must be someone who can help.

~soma~

Current Mood:

distressed

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02 May 2008 @ 12:17 pm

ashes to ashes

i got my mom's ashes yesterday.
i can't express right now all the thoughts i'm having.
i need to find a place for the cats though dammit.
*which means i'm going to have to use... THE PHONE ...because no one is answering my emails*

~soma~

Current Mood:

numb

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30 April 2008 @ 11:43 am

kittykittykitty

kitty came home!
i spent the whole night doting on him. he spent the whole night eating, growling at the other cats, and crying to go out. FUCK YOU KITTY, YOU'RE NOT GOING OUTSIDE.
i'm going to get him a nametag before i let him out on his own again.
his new middle name is "baka" (idiot)
i had to write to my mom's best friend since high school to let her know... god it's so hard.... i hope she can help me fill in details about my mom's life before i was born.
i'm setting up my mom's page slowly.... i need to get some pictures that i already put in storage (d'oh) so i can put them up on the page....
i don't know why, but it just feels like the right thing to do, and it gives me comfort.

~soma~

Current Mood:

busy

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29 April 2008 @ 01:01 pm

more crap

so i have until the 9th to get my mom's apt totally cleaned out. they already rented it out, the fuckers.
landlords have no compassion, all they think about is money.
HI, A PERSON FUCKING DIED.
whatever.
my cat's still missing. T__T
i'm going to turn my mom's myspace into a memorial page... i'll announce it when it's completed.
i've been spending the past two days going through her computer, seeing who i might need to contact, unsubscribing to various newsletters, etc...
it's really hard.
i don't want to get rid of it all because it's almost like she's still with me....

Current Mood:

blank

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28 April 2008 @ 12:42 pm

the sun will set for you....

so i found a home for the birds *yey*
the cat i brought home disappeared *boo*
the landlord keeps calling *boo*
i still need to find a home for the other two cats *boo*
it's oppressive going through an apt. that holds 20 years and 3 lives of memories *boo*
i want to scream.
i want to destroy something.
i want to hurt the fuckers that locked me up for two days.
i fucking needed that two days.

~soma~

Current Mood:

depressed

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25 April 2008 @ 04:56 pm

attn: kitties need home

first, i want to thank everyone for their support. it's sad that tragedy brings people together, but i guess that's just human nature.
my major problem right now (i'll talk about how i was wrongly placed in the nuthouse for two days at some other point) is my mom's two cats and two birds (with eggs)
i don't have an emotional attchment to the birds, but i would be happy if the cats could live with someone i know. because i love them dearly.
so if anyone has an interest, let me know.
*and i hate fucking medical "professionals" for wasting two fucking days of my life that i needed to get this shit done*

~soma~

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16 April 2008 @ 01:06 am

all that lives was born to die...

my mom's dead.
i was the one who had to make the decision to take her off the respirator.
i knew it was the right decision when i saw the angel of death approaching.
i saw the lines as they went flat.
i saw her skin change color and turn waxy.
she's gone.
as of 11:13 on april 15th.
she's gone forever from this world.

~soma~

Current Mood:

numb

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15 April 2008 @ 12:13 am

don't let me fade...

life is hell.
my mom... her whole right side is paralyzed. she'll never be the same. i have to clean out the apartment and find somewhere to put the cats and birds....
my home, my childhood, my life..... it's all gone.
so is hers.
so is my 10 year old brother's.
all of it gone.

~soma~

Current Mood:

crushed

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13 April 2008 @ 04:02 pm

give me breath, give me love

my mom just had a stroke.
i'm a bit out of sorts.
well, i'm always out of sorts but now i have a ton of shit to worry about.

~soma~

Current Mood:

crappy

Current Music: solitude aeturnus

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03 April 2008 @ 09:48 am

hi, i'm an insecure little bitch

somebody shoot me.
i'm no longer happy unless i have my bass in my hands.
no friends, no money, no life.
bad things could happen, but i'm trying to prevent it.
my will only holds out for so long.
i just need a small tiny little break.
*and i wonder why no one likes me, all i do is whine*

~soma~

What Type of Lesbian Are You? (Inspired by Curve Mag.)
created with QuizFarm.com

You scored as The Quasi-Gothic Femme

You mope, you frown and you smoke cloves, but secretly you sometimes wish you could look like Gwen Stefani.

The Quasi-Gothic Femme

55%

The Femme Fatale

55%

Current Mood:

depressed

Current Music: solitude aeturnus - alone album

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17 March 2008 @ 01:54 pm

the pillows tonight @ slim's

so it looks like the one thing keeping my life together isn't going to happen.
unless someone wants to call this person for me or give me $50.
so have a video instead.

Current Mood:

depressed

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10 March 2008 @ 03:48 pm

P'unk en Ciel

Current Mood:

blah

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04 March 2008 @ 04:03 pm

new pic

why not.
there's more but i'm too lazy.
and i have a cold. *achoo*

taken by

brocas

Current Mood:

sick

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28 February 2008 @ 01:17 pm

lithium picnic needs major help

message from apnea here

they need all the help they can get!

~soma~

Current Mood:

determined

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26 February 2008 @ 09:09 pm

i'm getting very tired of the past

so i guess it's been a while, eh.
i went job-hunting today.
nobody's hiring.
i've lived where i'm at for a year today.
i'm feeling completely useless.
i was happy for like two days. ><

~soma~

Current Mood:

blank

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13 February 2008 @ 01:22 pm

the sorrow at my feet

life just all around sucks.
there's nothing anyone can do about it.
sometimes i wish i could disappear... like just die... but only for a while. i'd come back after a couple of months, then everyone would miss me and be happy that i was back.
because i think people have a tendency to get sick of me. or certain aspects of my personality. (namely my neediness, which i'm working on.) but it seems like just existing with people... they get tired of me or used to me. so if i could just not exist for a little while... they'd care more after i came back.

~soma~

Current Mood:

blank

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06 February 2008 @ 01:11 pm

the shadow within me

i'm pretty much pissed off and broken because of all the crap i've been going through.
basically. i hate everyone. people are nothing but trouble and heartache.
*shuts off heart*
i've been disappointed greatly by two people i cared about a lot. they pretty much have abandoned me.
so what do i want?
i have no idea.
everyone abandons everyone.
maybe it's me.
i want to meet people who are uncomplicated.
unfortunately, being myself complicated, this is near impossible.
because i find uncomplicated people boring, and they find me weird.
but then they abandon me for whatever else, or decide they unexpectedly decide to dislike me.
well fuck you all, i'm not changing.
except my hair. it's black again. i tried keeping purple streaks, but i screwed that up royally. i'm going to try a different approach to that shortly. because i really want purple streaks.
oh and i'm changing my attitude. i can't get attached to people. they're too transitory. i trust no one.

~soma~

Current Mood:

crushed

Current Music: mushroomhead

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04 February 2008 @ 12:26 pm

so ok...

i'd like to meet actual people in actual life.
i'm sick of this "everything-only-happens-online" bullshit.
i guess i'm just venting here but it's like i put up these blogs eveywhere, maybe *someone* responds, but who the fuck cares? i'm still just at home typing away to no one and i'm not going out and doing the things that people do.
or is it a myth that people do things?
i'm beginning to wonder if people actually live lives or if we're all just staring at computer screens.
maybe that's just me.

~soma~

Current Mood:

frustrated

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